An Open Letter to my Virginia Beach Burglar

Dear Virginia Beach Burglar,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not breaking a window to get into my car!  Although I don’t know if you used a pump wedge, slim jim, or jiggler key, I do know that you are skilled enough to not damage my car in the process.  You sir are slightly better than the average street thug.  In addition, I would like to thank you for shutting my doors back just enough so that my interior light didn’t drain the battery.  Your mercy is appreciated.

For a few things, I must apologize.  I’m sorry to have inevitably disappointed you with the goods present in the cab.  I’m sure that my wife’s 1960s era sewing patterns and fabric weren’t exactly the recompense you were looking to score.  I’m also sorry that the overstuffed glove compartment teeming with maps from up and down the east coast didn’t catch your eye.  I thought for sure that my tire inflater that runs off the cigarette lighter might be of some use, but alas it to did not meet the standard of your discerning eye.

I am glad however that the neglected GPS stuffed under the seat has found a new home.  She was getting up in years and we didn’t know how much longer she had.  It’s a relief in our minds that she will get to bring someone else joy at her time of life if only for a little longer.  We’ll miss you little Nuvi!

I wish we could have met face to face but I understand that in your line of work, you’re usually in a hurry. I would like to ask a few questions however.  First, with a tray full of change in the car, why would you pick out just the silver coins.  Thank you for leaving me all the pennies, but I would have thought that when speed is a necessity you would have taken it all.  Secondly, why did you pop the hood.  It couldn’t have been to disconnect the alarm, because there isn’t one.  I suppose you wanted the battery.  Once again I must apologize as Toyota has made that part of their engine near impossible to access to me and you both.  If you figure this out on subsequent vehicles, please send me an email.

I hope that the entire experience wasn’t too taxing.  I understand that you probably work late nights and its hard to make  ends meet in this economy.  Good luck in your future endeavors.


Jason of GBG


P.S. If you happen to know the guy or guys that stole my broken radio in college and my damaged bicycle in DC, send them my apologies.  I’ll try to make it more worth your while in the future.

5 Replies to “An Open Letter to my Virginia Beach Burglar”

  1. It was the night before Thanksgiving and deep inside my car.
    A man with a cigarette was grabbing my GPS so he could go far.
    He left the change which alas was not much.
    He rifled through my things and such.
    Nothing else caught his eye and so only the GPS was his find.
    I think he wanted me to know so he left his cigarette behind.
    This man I do not know but I am sure that is ok.
    He needed my GPS because he lost his way.
    I wanted to thank him for his relieving me of the old part.
    My wife wanted a new one but I did not have the heart.
    This man, great man, helped me make the choice I could not.
    And now my wife has a great GPS and it is certainly hot.
    But recently I discovered my GPS was not enough.
    Maps were out dated and the man did not want that stuff.
    He must have gone far, for my car was out of reach.
    My GPS took him to the great land of Virginia Beach.
    The battery must have died so he needed to look.
    For another one and my friend’s he took.
    I am sorry Jason that mine was not the one.
    And your car was in line for his fun.
    Forgive me please for my outdated little thing.
    Hopefully yours gave our friend his wing.
    Now he can fly high and even lay low.
    Maybe with two GPSs he can get where he wants to go.

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