An Open Letter to my Virginia Beach Burglar

Dear Virginia Beach Burglar,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not breaking a window to get into my car!  Although I don’t know if you used a pump wedge, slim jim, or jiggler key, I do know that you are skilled enough to not damage my car in the process.  You sir are slightly better than the average street thug.  In addition, I would like to thank you for shutting my doors back just enough so that my interior light didn’t drain the battery.  Your mercy is appreciated.

For a few things, I must apologize.  I’m sorry to have inevitably disappointed you with the goods present in the cab.  I’m sure that my wife’s 1960s era sewing patterns and fabric weren’t exactly the recompense you were looking to score.  I’m also sorry that the overstuffed glove compartment teeming with maps from up and down the east coast didn’t catch your eye.  I thought for sure that my tire inflater that runs off the cigarette lighter might be of some use, but alas it to did not meet the standard of your discerning eye.

I am glad however that the neglected GPS stuffed under the seat has found a new home.  She was getting up in years and we didn’t know how much longer she had.  It’s a relief in our minds that she will get to bring someone else joy at her time of life if only for a little longer.  We’ll miss you little Nuvi!

I wish we could have met face to face but I understand that in your line of work, you’re usually in a hurry. I would like to ask a few questions however.  First, with a tray full of change in the car, why would you pick out just the silver coins.  Thank you for leaving me all the pennies, but I would have thought that when speed is a necessity you would have taken it all.  Secondly, why did you pop the hood.  It couldn’t have been to disconnect the alarm, because there isn’t one.  I suppose you wanted the battery.  Once again I must apologize as Toyota has made that part of their engine near impossible to access to me and you both.  If you figure this out on subsequent vehicles, please send me an email.

I hope that the entire experience wasn’t too taxing.  I understand that you probably work late nights and its hard to make  ends meet in this economy.  Good luck in your future endeavors.


Jason of GBG


P.S. If you happen to know the guy or guys that stole my broken radio in college and my damaged bicycle in DC, send them my apologies.  I’ll try to make it more worth your while in the future.